The internet constantly reminds me why we can't have nice things.

Alright, alright let me back track…

Two Sundays ago I posted a video without much thought — and the wrong crowd found it. Gross men. Notice I say gross men, as a gentle reminder to my male readers that they are in fact NOT gross... we'll leave the gym bags and crusty socks out of this discussion.

It’s still wild to me that there’s a subclass of humanity that will see a woman existing in public spaces — social media in this instance —and think, "Perfect! Time to share my unsolicited thoughts about her body and project my traumas!" 

Because nothing says quality human interaction like commentary from strangers who apparently learned their social skills from a broken toaster.

Cue me spending way too much time wondering how we got to a place where basic respect has become optional, and blocking people has become a legitimate and necessary life skill.

It's like teaching adults to chew with their mouths closed, except somehow more exhausting and significantly more depressing.

I keep thinking, "Thank GOD I didn't have social media at eighteen." These young girls are not equipped for what's out there, and honestly, we have GOT to get a better grasp on ourselves as a society.

Here's what's really getting to me: I know most people would never behave this way in person. But we need to talk about the mental gymnastics required to maintain faith in humanity when the loudest voices keep proving that common decency is apparently a suggestion rather than a standard.

…or we need to build a social media platform just for women and LGBTQ…

But until that magical platform exists, here's the unsexy reality of what it actually takes to protect your peace in a world that seems allergic to basic human kindness.

The Hustle

The work it takes to protect your peace is actually empowering. But at first, it can be exhausting.

I'm talking about setting boundaries with people who clearly skipped that day in kindergarten where they taught us about personal space and basic manners… metaphorical booger pickers.

Having conversations about what's acceptable behavior feels like explaining why we don't eat crayons to a room full of adults.

This isn't "just part of being a woman in public spaces." This is emotional labor that comes with existing in the modern world, and it's like we're all living in some bizarre social experiment where common courtesy is optional and acting with care requires a PhD. We’ve entered the wrong layer of the Matrix.

The uncomfortable reality is that someone can be an absolute gem to their friends and family while simultaneously being a complete nightmare to strangers. It's the Jekyll and Hyde of human behavior, except instead of a mysterious potion, it's just the anonymity of the internet, or the safety of distance and a digital wall.

Just because someone treats you well doesn't mean they're treating ALL people well, and we need to stop acting like good behavior toward one person is a character reference for their behavior toward everyone.

The real work isn't just protecting yourself from the chaos — it's being willing to call out the chaos when you see it happening to someone else. The people creating the mess are counting on everyone else to look the other way. Let’s not give them that luxury.

The real hustle is understanding that staying quiet when you witness bad behavior isn't neutrality — it's participation. You don't need to write a dissertation about compassion, but maybe just a simple 'yo that's not cool' when someone's being gross.

Revolutionary concept, I know.

I think eventually we can “shut up, Bro” our way back to civilization…

The Chill

You can't control every gross person on the internet or out in the real world, but you can absolutely control how much real estate they take up in your mind.

The thing about not letting people get to you is there's no single magic formula. Or maybe it’s Klonopin, but I digress…

Some days you need the mental fortress, other days you need energy economics, and sometimes you just need to remember that other people's dysfunction is not your diagnosis. So here are some solid coping options — pick what works for your brain:

The Mental Fortress Approach: This is about building genuine internal armor that doesn't require you to become cynical or closed off. It’s knowing yourself enough to completely deflect and ignore any nonsense. It's learning to stay soft and caring toward the people that matter while being bulletproof to those that don’t. The goal isn't to shut down your emotions — it's to create a filter where the good stuff gets through and the garbage bounces off.

Think of it like having really good taste in who gets to affect your mood. And that should be as small of a list as you can manage.

The Energy Economics: Start treating your emotional energy like currency, because it literally is. Every time you get worked up about some random person's opinion, you're essentially paying them with your peace of mind. Ask yourself: is this person worth the emotional expense? Most of the time, the answer is a hard no. If you wouldn’t buy the over-priced latte or the $24 martini, why give away part of your sanity for free? Save your energy for people and situations that actually matter. Go low battery mode.

Treat your emotional energy like you treat your phone battery at 10% — suddenly you become very selective about what apps you “need” to use.

The Perspective Shift: When someone's being awful, they're essentially wearing a giant neon sign that says "I have unresolved issues." Their behavior is information about their character, not a reflection of your worth. It's like being offended that some toddler threw a tantrum in Target. The toddler isn't making a statement about you — they just haven't learned emotional regulation yet and you happened to be in earshot.

Allow them to be their own problem, and be thankful you were just passing through.

The Selective Hearing Superpower: My grandma is a master at this one — she can somehow hear a whispered comment from three rooms away but becomes mysteriously deaf when someone's being an asshole… Hi Grams! Love you! (she reads this)

Develop the ability to tune into what serves you and tune out what doesn't, without becoming disconnected from the world. It's not about ignoring everything — it's about getting really good at distinguishing between feedback worth considering and noise worth dismissing. Some voices deserve your attention, others are just background noise.

At the end of the day, protecting your peace isn't selfish, and other people's chaos is optional participation. You get to choose how much of their drama becomes your reality.

The world needs more people who refuse to let the loudest, messiest voices set the tone.

Upcoming Shows

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September 26th — TedX Chicago

Peep my IG stories this week for all my drop-ins. I’m starting to work on my new hour… 🙃 … and I’ll be in LA starting October for quite some time.

Love you all and cheers to the hustle + chill. We on the right side of the Matrix.

xx NPH