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Some mornings test you before your first cup of coffee.

Some mornings, that test comes from a person you least expect it from. Someone who's supposed to be in your corner. Who knows exactly which buttons to push and when you're least equipped to handle it.

Some mornings you wake up and immediately have to decide: am I going to let this derail me, or am I going to show up anyway?

I've always been good at tests. Even the ones I didn't sign up for. (Like a pop quiz in emotional calculus at 6 AM). Even the ones that feel designed to make me question every choice I've ever made, or question the next series of choices I will make.

No matter the situation, I’ve grown to refuse making statements like “This ruined my morning,” or “I’m gonna have a shitty day now…” because, I in fact, will not.

We don’t have to choose to let circumstances dictate how we move through the next hour… day… we don’t have to hand someone else the remote when we’ve got all the hits queued up.

Some mornings are harder than others. But every morning, we get to choose how we respond to the test.

Here's what I've learned about fair-weather people: they're only supportive when it’s convenient for them.

They're there when you're celebrating, when you're fun, when you're easy to be around. But the minute you have a feeling that inconveniences them, the minute you need something they don't want to give, the minute you're not performing happiness for their comfort — suddenly you're the problem.

Congratulations, you've unlocked the villain origin story you never auditioned for.

Fair-weather support isn't actually support at all. It's conditional love disguised as loyalty.

I'm talking about the people who punish you for having boundaries or speaking up for yourself. Who make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings. Who turn your feelings into evidence of your character flaws instead of information worth considering.

The ones who show up when it's convenient and disappear when it's not. Who love you when you're agreeable and attack you when you're honest.

The exhausting part isn't the conflict. It's the pattern. The way certain people can't hold space for your humanity without making it about their discomfort. The way they turn your vulnerability into ammunition.

You start walking on eggshells around people who should feel like safe spaces. You start editing yourself around people who claim to be your people.

That's not love. That's control wearing a love costume. A shitty one at that — some overpriced BS you’d buy at Spirit Halloween.

The Hustle

The hardest part about dealing with fair-weather people isn't the individual conflicts. It's the cumulative effect of never knowing which version of someone you're going to get.

You start calculating. Before you speak, before you share, before you need something — you're running scenarios in your head about how they might react. Like playing chess with a pigeon who's going to knock over all the pieces anyway.

You're editing yourself in real time, trying to predict what will set them off today.

I used to think the solution was to get better at managing these people. Learn their triggers, perfect my approach, say things exactly the right way so they wouldn't turn it into a character assassination.

But here's what I’ve learned: you can't manage someone else's inability to handle your honesty. Especially if your honesty is expressed kindly and carefully.

The energy you spend trying to make yourself smaller, more palatable, less inconvenient — that's energy stolen from your actual life. From your goals. From the people who don't require you to perform emotional acrobatics just to exist peacefully around them.

Fair-weather people will always find a reason why your feelings are wrong, why your boundaries are unreasonable, why your needs are invalid. The problem was never your delivery. The problem is they don't want to be inconvenienced by how you might feel.

You can't hustle your way out of someone else's emotional immaturity. You can only decide how much access they get to your peace.

A quick shoutout section!

First, Meredith, one of my readers and now close friends. Meredith has brought me in twice now to speak at events she runs with a major group. Events she doesn’t get nearly the modicum of respect for that she deserves. (wink)

She is the backbone of bringing great people together to have important conversations. And I was honored to speak in a room full of powerful women at her event in West Palm Beach, Florida this past week.

Second, my girl Carla V in Charlotte, fueling community, connection and charitable support through her work in that city and beyond. A few weeks ago I was out in Charlotte, and collectively we worked on multiple creative projects in a few days time, in collaboration through her company 5683 Just Be.

5683 Just Be is the ecosystem behind Carla’s Galentine’s Celebration which raises money for widows (I was there with her just weeks before we lost dad and my mom became a new widow), her podcast Rewiring with Carla V (our episode will debut soon), and her 5683 Workshops which help better countless leaders.

I’ll be sharing more on her work when the podcast drops, but an additional shoutout to Jaime Lash of Co-Lash Communications, Gina Alex Creative (incredible photographer), Robbie Shaw and the team at Evrybdy Studios (the studio I wish I had at home — slick AF), and our shoot location and beautiful multi-use event space The Hamilton by Kara Taddeo.

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The Chill

The most radical thing you can do with fair-weather people is stop trying to earn the support they should be giving freely.

Peace isn't something you negotiate for. It's something you protect.

Every morning when you wake up and choose not to let someone else's chaos dictate your day — that's an act of self-preservation. When you refuse to hand over the remote to your emotional well-being, you're taking back power they never should have had in the first place.

The people who deserve access to you don't make you work this hard for basic respect. They don't turn your feelings into federal cases. They don't punish you for expressing feelings or having boundaries.

Here's what protecting your peace looks like: You stop explaining yourself to people who've already decided not to understand. You stop shrinking to fit into spaces that were never designed for your full essence. You stop performing emotional gymnastics for people who wouldn't stretch a muscle for calm communication.

You get selective about who gets your energy, your vulnerability, your morning coffee conversation.

Not everyone deserves a front-row seat to your life, especially the people who boo when you're being authentic. 

Let’s save the booing for bad ref calls, not basic human emotions.

Fair-weather people will always be fair-weather people. But you get to choose whether you keep checking the forecast with them, or whether you find people who love you and get you rain or shine.

Some mornings will test you. But every morning, you get to choose what kind of day you get to have. It’s nobody else’s choice to make.

And that choice gets easier once you remember what peace feels like with the right people.

Life is meant to be chill around the hustle. Always, always protect the chill.

Upcoming Shows

Thursday I have a really fun show, Pitch N Pair at The Den Theater (in from NYC) where I get to pitch one of my close guy friends to a room of women.

Love you all and cheers to the hustle + chill. We weather the storms.

xx NPH

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