I almost got botox for the first time this week… but I didn’t go through with it.

I’m freshly 40, I’m a woman working in entertainment, and I lived in LA for eleven years. The fact that I haven’t fucked with my face yet is something I’m pretty proud of and simultaneously stunned by. 🥴

I am the last to judge a woman for doing anything that makes her feel good — promises. But, low key (also totally not because I’m telling you…), when my girlfriends and I used to go out in Beverly Hills we would count the “cats” in the room while walking into any given venue. By definition (completely created by “us”), cats were the older women who’s faces were frozen into a joker-like smile. Literally copy cat replicas of one another from likely the same Beverly Hills plastic surgeon.

All I used to think was how bad I felt that these women felt this “Kardashian face” looked good… come on! Just age a little!

Here’s the thing; I think a “little tweak here” and a “little tweak there” can be a slippery slope, one I almost started skiing down the bunny hill on. And it’s not women’s fault!

The world tells you to age gracefully — but only if you age invisibly. And preferably with cheek filler and an immobilized brow.

The thing I love most about comedy is it’s a craft you age into. You only get better with time — you are wiser, better at writing, clear on your voice. And frankly you like yourself more.

Why isn’t this same concept accepted for our faces?

I do my best to take care of myself, and I think I do a pretty damn good job other than my love for a good burger and some beers (it’s the Wisconsin in me that will never die). But I’ve also been through some real shit, and I’m OK with wearing that. Hell, the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man In The World didn’t get interesting by looking like an unseasoned Ken doll.

Society and social media has infused in us that you are supposed to be vulnerable, but do it with a filter as to not be too abrasive.

…and the thing I love most about comedy is that it’s unfiltered. So, apologies to my facial spa for the cancel, but I’m going to ride this slightly “eleven-browed” wave for awhile… “society” hasn’t exactly steered us all correctly anyways…

I’d rather have one wrinkle than one regret.

The Hustle

Removing the wrong work or the wrong people is a delicate art. But a must.

I was a part of a project recently where the time commitment kept increasing, the respect kept decreasing, and at the end of the day I was consistently left feeling unseen and fucking drained.

When you have a talent or spark or creativity to offer of any kind, people will gravitate to you — and while some offers are great, others will suck you dry.

While I’m always grateful to be thought of for projects or roles, letting go of things or people that are under-paying, over-asking and energy-sucking is the type of spring cleaning we all need — not just closets, but inboxes, calendars and even social circles.

Well, yesterday I wiped that sucker off my plate and I felt 100lbs lighter.

SO much clarity comes from removing things that you once said yes to out of fear, scarcity, or the need for seeking approval.

I am still a work in progress when it comes to saying “no,” but I’ve gotten far better at discerning, although I miss the mark from time to time (we allll know the Blake Lively x Justin Baldoni saga)… 

I won’t tell you what the job was, but all I know is I made space for something far more fulfilling to step into its place.

Twenty years in entertainment, fifteen years in standup, and eleven years in Los Angeles will definitely drill some lack mindset into you, and that takes effort to undo.

I have to remind myself daily, “B*** you’re valuable! Don’t just give your time and energy to anyone!”

I think we all need to be reminded of that. I’m thrilled to have hours of my week back after a few months of mayhem, where I can welcome the most un-bullshit project(s) filled with un-bullshit people into. 😎

You can’t bloom in the spring if you’re drowning in weeds…

The Chill

Making space brings clarity, and a little stillness brings direction.

I’ve been notoriously terrible at being still my whole career — I don’t think that will ever fully leave. I actually function incredibly well while balancing a lot of projects (I fancy this to the many years of serving and bartending; when you’re busy you’re a rockstar and when you’re slow you completely forget what you’re doing — anyone?)

But I DO know now how to not confuse being busy with actual achievement.

There’s something that happens emotionally and creatively once something is cleared off of my plate — and maybe you can relate — more energy, better ideas, deeper presence. I write like a sailor curses (while often cursing like one too). 😅

Societal conditioning often tells us (especially women in entertainment) to be everything to everyone — perfect, productive, polished, forever hustling, forever grateful, willing to accept less, and shut the f*** up about it while you’re at it.

I’ve now learned that not doing everything is a radical act of self-trust and self-preservation.

Saying no isn’t rejection — it’s redirection. Every ‘no’ makes room for a louder, clearer, better ‘yes.’

This whole week has been about making space for bigger and better things; we’ve donated bags of shit from our closets, I’ve reorganized my workspace, and I freed up time that I absolutely needed back.

Letting go isn’t a bad thing. And the best thing about clearing bullshit out of your life as a comedian is we get to talk about it on stage — queue some new material!

I appreciate all of you that read these weekly drops. Humble brag here — but my open rates are nearly 70% consistently, and click-through rates (when I actually link shit) are 7-12% and apparently these are insane numbers.

If you know anyone that loves comedy, mindfulness, business, or a great brand or cause that could use a shoutout, please send them my way! I love to highlight cool shit in here — people or companies doing thoughtful work — and I especially love to highlight small businesses and women/under represented founders.

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Upcoming Shows

TONIGHT in Chicago - Best Night Ever 8pm @ The Lincoln Lodge

Sunday I’m swinging through Nashville for a few days for a big surprise — stay tuned for a fun story

The rest of May I’m pretty much at Laugh Factory Chicago every weekend working out new shit as I prep for tour drop — make sure you’re following me on IG for those dates and you can always use the code “laugh” for free tix to come see me there 🤫

May 22nd we launch “Group Chat” @ Zanies Rosemont — a live show with the six ladies/best comics in Chicago from my group chat — it’s a must-see

May 31st Jake and I have a cool surprise dropping in Chicagoland … save the date 😜

Love you all and cheers to the hustle + chill. May the space be made.

xx NPH